Smart Ignoring in Psychology

Smart ignoring, also called planned or intentional ignoring, is a psychological strategy used to discourage certain behaviors by removing attention from them. Despite its simplicity, it’s highly effective, especially when used with children. The core idea behind smart ignoring is to break the cycle of attention-seeking behaviors by withholding the one thing the individual wants most—attention. Rather than reacting to the behavior (even negatively), the person doing the ignoring withholds all forms of acknowledgment, thereby making the behavior ineffective.

Why Smart Ignoring Works

In many cases, children (and even adults) engage in certain behaviors primarily because they want attention. This attention-seeking may take the form of whining, interrupting, or throwing a tantrum. Often, these behaviors escalate if the child realizes that they are an effective way to get a reaction. Negative attention (like reprimanding or scolding) can sometimes be just as rewarding as positive attention because it confirms that the child has succeeded in getting a response.

For example, consider a child who starts yelling or whining because their mother is busy on the phone. When she turns to address him, even with a scolding, he feels that his tactic worked—he has her attention. This reinforces the behavior, making him more likely to repeat it in similar situations. However, if she remains calm and continues her conversation, ignoring the outburst, he may eventually learn that yelling does not result in the attention he seeks. Over time, he’ll be less likely to use that tactic to get her attention.

The Benefits of Smart Ignoring

Smart ignoring can be a helpful tool for parents, teachers, and caregivers who want to reduce disruptive behaviors without resorting to punishment. It’s an effective way to manage minor issues without escalating the situation or giving the child the satisfaction of a response. By applying smart ignoring, caregivers can focus on rewarding positive behavior instead of accidentally reinforcing negative ones.

For example, when parents ignore a child's disruptive attempts to get their attention, it encourages the child to try more positive ways to gain attention, such as speaking politely or waiting patiently.

Steps to Apply Smart Ignoring

1. Completely Ignore the Behavior
   The first step in smart ignoring is to ignore the undesirable behavior entirely. This means avoiding any type of reaction—even subtle ones like a sigh, a glance, or a frown. Partial ignoring, where the caregiver still shows some sign of frustration, can backfire, as even a small reaction may still reinforce the attention-seeking behavior.

2. Avoid Eye Contact and Interaction
   Eye contact and verbal responses can serve as cues that the child has your attention. To effectively ignore, pretend the behavior isn’t happening at all. This may mean not looking in the child’s direction or responding to what they say, even if it’s funny or charming. The goal here is to make the behavior seem unnoticeable and ineffective.

3. Leave the Area if Possible
   In some cases, especially if you find the behavior particularly challenging to ignore, it can help to leave the area for a short time. For example, if a child is whining or throwing a tantrum, stepping out of the room can reinforce the idea that this behavior will not achieve their goal. Alternatively, engage in another activity, like reading a magazine or doing household tasks, to demonstrate that you’re uninterested in the behavior.

4. Stay Calm and Provide Positive Attention for Good Behavior
   When the child stops the unwanted behavior, shift your focus back to them in a positive, calm manner. This reinforces the message that positive behaviors (like patience or polite requests) get rewarded with attention, whereas disruptive behaviors do not. By reacting calmly, you show that good behavior will earn them the interaction they desire.

5. Be Patient and Consistent
   Children may test boundaries to see if the ignoring strategy is consistent. They might try the unwanted behavior again to determine if it will be ignored. It’s essential to remain consistent each time the behavior occurs. Repetition and patience are key, as inconsistent ignoring can lead to confusion and may even encourage the child to persist with the behavior.

6. Address Harmful Behavior Immediately
   Smart ignoring should only be used for harmless behaviors that are annoying but not dangerous. For example, behaviors like shouting, pouting, or light whining can often be ignored effectively. However, if a child exhibits harmful behavior—like hitting, biting, or aggressive actions toward themselves or others—smart ignoring is not appropriate. In these cases, it’s crucial to step in immediately, calmly redirect the child, and encourage safe behavior. If the harmful behavior is severe or persistent, it may require consultation with a professional.

Practical Example: Using Smart Ignoring with Children

Let’s say a teacher is working with a class, and one student begins interrupting with silly noises while she’s trying to explain something. In this case, the teacher could look away from the child, avoid eye contact, and carry on with her lesson without responding to the noise. By ignoring it, she shows that this behavior won’t disrupt the class or gain her attention. Over time, the student may realize that other methods, like raising a hand, are more effective for gaining attention.

References:

• ^ a b "Strategy: Using Planned Ignoring," The Classroom Check-Up. Retrieved on 1/12/2022. Edited.
• ^ a b c "What Is Planned Ignoring ABA? Examples Of Extinction Behavior In Kids," Verbal Beginnings. Retrieved on 1/12/2022. Edited.
• ↑ Erin Carroll, MS, Doug Tynan, PhD, Meghan McAuliffe Lines, PhD, Planned Ignoring, Page 1.